Come Sunday Morning Page 12

  Percy’s last question was “Who else knows about this?”

  “I made the mistake of telling Kenneth. He’s threatened to call Lance Savage and sue the Chronicle.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll talk to Kenneth.” Percy then flashed a comforting smile and said, “Catherine, it doesn’t sound all that bad. You know these crazies come out of the woodwork every few years. This St. John person is probably some nut who’s obsessed with Hezekiah. I’ll bet if I put a little scare into him, he’ll stop spreading these lies.”

  “That’s just it, Percy. I’m not convinced it’s a lie. Hezekiah never denied it and swore me to secrecy. Why would he do that if it weren’t true?”

  “What kind of mood was Hezekiah in this afternoon?”

  “I have no idea,” she said fretfully. “He canceled all his appointments. I haven’t seen or heard from him all day.”

  “That’s not like him. I’ll see if I can reach him on his cell later this evening.”

  “Please don’t tell him you spoke to me. Tell him you ran into Lance in the hall and he told you.”

  “Don’t worry about that. I won’t even mention your name. In the meantime we should meet with Naomi and Reverend Davis to see if we can come up with a plan for damage control, just in case the story does eventually run. Will you set that up?”

  “Are you sure they can be trusted? How do we know one of them didn’t leak the story in the first place?”

  “Why would they do something as stupid as that? If Hezekiah is ousted, they’ll both be out of a job.”

  “I know, but I just don’t trust anyone,” Catherine said.

  “Right now we don’t have a choice.”

  The two walked toward the door and embraced.

  “Oh my God,” Catherine said. “You wanted to talk to me about something. I’m sorry, Percy. This has got me so distracted.”

  “Don’t worry about that. We can talk about it later. This is much more important.”

  Catherine had called together key staff members to decide how to address the impending scandal. Percy took the seat of power at the head of the table in the conference room. Catherine and Naomi sat to his left, with Rev. Kenneth Davis to his right.

  Naomi broke the silence at the table and asked, “Where is Hezekiah? Shouldn’t he be here to talk about this?”

  “I thought the whole discussion might make him uncomfortable,” Catherine replied. “He doesn’t know we’re meeting.”

  “I think that was a mistake,” Naomi said nervously. “If he finds out we discussed this behind his back, he’ll be furious.” As she spoke, she began to gather her belongings from the floor. “I don’t want any part of this.”

  Reverend Pryce leaned forward.

  “Wait a minute, Naomi. There’s no reason for him to find out. I just wanted us to put our heads together and come up with a plan. This meeting never took place, as far as anyone outside this room is concerned.”

  Naomi searched the faces in the room for signs of agreement. Everyone signified yes by nodding.

  “All right, I’ll stay. But if he finds out about this meeting, I’ll deny I was ever here.”

  “Good, then,” Percy said with relief. “I tried to reach Hezekiah all last night, but he didn’t answer his phone. Has anyone talked to him about the alleged affair?”

  Kenneth Davis then spoke. “I spoke with Hezekiah, and it’s not alleged. He confirmed the whole story. There is, in fact, a Danny St. John, and they are involved in a sexual relationship.”

  “How long has it been going on?” Percy asked.

  “He said for about a year.”

  Percy threw his hands into the air in disbelief. “I don’t believe this,” he said. “If that story is printed, all hell is going to break loose.”

  “We’re all aware of that, Percy, but there just might be some way to convince Lance Savage to kill the story.” Kenneth looked at Naomi. “You know Lance better than all of us. What do you think? Can he be bribed, frightened off?”

  Naomi shook her head. “I don’t think there’s any way he’s going to let this slide. I’ve seen him in action. He’s relentless once he gets his hands on anything sensational, and he stands to build a national reputation on this.”

  “Come on, there’s got to be some way,” Percy interjected. “Every man has a price. We just have to find out what his is.”

  “The construction budget has one million dollars in discretionary funds,” Reverend Davis said to no one in particular. “I think we should offer to buy his silence. That’s the only way.”

  Catherine sat silently while the three debated the plan’s merits. The conversation progressed more rapidly than she had wished. She finally spoke. “I think we’re getting ahead of ourselves here. What I’d like to know is who leaked the story in the first place. That’s what’s most important.”

  Naomi looked at her impatiently and said, “That’s irrelevant. It’s out, and now we have to deal with the consequences.”

  “I disagree,” Catherine protested. “Let’s say we are able to silence Lance. Whoever the source is could easily find another reporter to pick it up. We’ll eventually have to buy off every reporter in the city.”

  Reverend Davis leaned back in his chair and said, “She’s right. Whoever this person is, he or she is obviously very close to Hezekiah and has something to gain by him not being the pastor. Any ideas?”

  “It could be anyone,” Catherine said. “Even one of us.”

  Catherine’s last words unleashed a flurry of retorts. Naomi bolted to her feet. “If you’re suggesting I’m responsible, you’re crazy. I’ll be out of a job if this ever gets out.”

  Percy raised his voice. “I take personal offense at your accusations, Catherine. I’ve devoted the last five years of my life to this church and I deserve better than that.”

  Kenneth held up his hands in an appeal for calm. “Hold on, everybody. No one is accusing anyone, but we do have to look at every possibility. Who else could have got that close to Hezekiah to know about this?”

  “How about Dino, his driver?” Catherine asked. “He must have known about it. Even though I don’t trust him, I think he would rather take a bullet in the head than see any harm come to Pastor Cleaveland.”

  Everyone nodded in consensus. Puzzled expressions formed on their faces as they pondered who might be the Judas.

  Catherine, with great caution, broke the silence.

  “I know this might sound crazy, but I’m going to say it, anyway. What about Samantha?”

  The puzzled looks quickly changed to shock and horror.

  “Catherine, how could you even think something that horrible?” they all chanted. “Samantha worships the ground Hezekiah walks on. She would rather die than see him publicly humiliated.”

  Catherine recoiled into her chair.

  “I know, you’re right. I just wanted to put it out there.”

  “Well, please don’t ever say anything like that again,” Reverend Pryce said passionately tone. “She’s going to be hurt enough when she learns about the affair. I’d hate to see her hurt even more if a rumor like that started circulating.”

  Catherine sat chastised. “I’m sorry. I’m not suggesting she did it, but we have to look at all possibilities.”

  “Look, this idle speculation isn’t getting us anywhere,” Kenneth said with his hands clasped in front of his face. “We could be here all day trying to figure out who did this. I say we go back to our original plan and offer Lance money. If the story resurfaces again later, then maybe we’ll have more time to flush out the source. Not now, though. We don’t have the time.”

  “Kenneth is right,” said Naomi. “If we’re going to act, we have to do it quickly.”

  “Are we all in agreement?” Kenneth asked.

  Naomi and Percy both said yes, but Catherine simply stared out the window.

  “Catherine, what about you? Do you agree or not?” Naomi asked.

  “I don’t think it’s going to work, but if that’s
our only option, then yes, I agree.”

  Kenneth clapped his hands and said, “All right, then. I’ll meet with Lance this afternoon and make the offer, and hopefully—”

  “Wait a minute, Kenneth,” Percy said. “I want to come with you. I’d like to have a few words with him myself.”

  “You don’t want to upset Lance,” Naomi said. “He’s in control. If you threaten him, he’ll turn you down flat.”

  “I won’t threaten him. I just think we should hedge our bet with a little intimidation. Let him know if he reneges on the agreement, there will be serious consequences.”

  “It’s risky, but it might help in the long run,” said Kenneth. “Okay, Percy, as soon as I set up a time for the meeting, I’ll call you.” Kenneth stood and said, “Wish us luck, everybody. We’re going to need it.”

  Hezekiah sat and read a magazine in the waiting room of Dr. Joseph Canton. The room was bright, and light reflected off the many chrome and glass surfaces. A piano concerto by Mozart played almost undetected in the background. Religious publications with the virtuous faces of the ecclesiastical elite on the covers were fanned neatly on the coffee table. A brass crucifix hung over the door leading to the doctor’s office. A modern clock ticked on a console behind an unoccupied receptionist desk.

  Hezekiah made the trip to the Anaheim therapist not for absolution but rather to somehow relieve his apprehension through an unorthodox form of confession. He did not expect to hear words of encouragement. No Christian psychiatrist would condone his behavior, but maybe he could understand it.

  Dr. Canton had served as psychiatrist and confidant to some of the most influential clergy in the country. When he explained to the receptionist that he was about to make a decision that would affect thousands of people and change his life drastically, Hezekiah was scheduled promptly for a session.

  “Reverend Cleaveland,” the receptionist said after returning from the doctor’s inner chamber. “Dr. Canton is ready for you now.”

  Hezekiah entered the office and shut the door behind him before he focused on the figure standing behind the desk.

  Dr. Canton was a tall, lean man with shiny white hair. His gray suit hung loosely on his body, and wire-rimmed glasses sat on the tip of his pointed nose. He walked toward Hezekiah, extended his hand, and said, “Hello, Pastor Cleaveland. I’m Dr. Joseph Canton. Please come in and sit down.”

  “Thank you for seeing me at such short notice. Your secretary was very kind.”

  “How can I help you? Of course everything we discuss within this room will be kept in the strictest of confidence.”

  The two men sat at angles to each other in slick leather chairs facing the front of the desk. The room did not reflect the modern style of the reception area. The walls were painted a forest green with a lighter shade as trim. Wood shelves filled with psychiatric journals, textbooks, and numerous versions of the Bible lined the walls. The carpet was a dark shade of burgundy bordered with a warm floral scroll. The same music from the waiting room played from sources unknown.

  “Of course. That’s why I selected a psychiatrist and not my gardener,” Hezekiah replied with a smile.

  Dr. Canton laughed as Hezekiah continued speaking. “I’m not sure where to start. By all outward appearances my life is perfect. My ministry is growing faster than I can keep up with. We’re building a new state-of-the-art sanctuary and media center. I have a beautiful wife and daughter. It all looks great.”

  “Well, Hezekiah. May I call you Hezekiah? If everything is great, I can’t imagine why you would be here today.”

  Hezekiah looked out the window and saw a sea of silver high-rise buildings. He felt like a child confessing to his father that he had stolen sweets from the cookie jar. A wave of shame and embarrassment filled his chest. “Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.”

  “I’m not saying I can help you with whatever it is that’s troubling you, but we’ll never know unless you tell me what it is. There is nothing that you can tell me that will embarrass or shock me. Like you, I’ve pretty much heard it all.”

  Hezekiah took a deep breath and slouched in the chair. “Okay. To start with, my marriage is over.”

  The doctor nodded for him to continue.

  “We’ve done and said things that we’ll never be able to undo, and I’m not sure that I want to. When we first married and were building the ministry, I appreciated and even relied on her take-charge personality. Now I feel like it’s choking the life out of me. She is a very beautiful woman—smart, creative—but she treats me like an employee. Telling me where I should go, whom I should talk to, what I should preach about.”

  “Have you talked to her about how you feel?”

  “I’ve tried, but…”

  “You’ve tried, but what?”

  “She doesn’t listen.”

  The doctor looked pensively at Hezekiah. “Is this about your wife or is this about you? What is really causing you to have such negative feelings toward her?”

  “All right, Doctor, I’m just going to say it. The bottom line is I’m in love with someone else. I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just…” Hezekiah clasped his hands together as if contemplating a difficult task. The doctor’s face showed no sign of reaction.

  Hezekiah continued to talk. “I’ve know him…” He paused and looked as though he had delivered a punch line to a joke. “Did I forget to mention it was a man?”

  “Yes, you did. Have you always had homosexual tendencies?”

  Hezekiah looked embarrassed. “I suppose maybe I have. But I never acted on them.”

  “Hezekiah, if you want me to help, you have to be honest with me. I’m not here to judge you. I’m here to listen and, if I can, to help you.”

  Hezekiah looked out the window and said softly, “There was another man a few years ago. He was a dancer I met in New York. I went to a play he was performing in on Broadway and a mutual friend introduced us backstage.”

  “Why did it end?”

  “It was primarily a physical relationship. And the distance made it difficult for us to see each other that often. He eventually met someone else and we lost contact after a while.”

  “So now there’s…What is the new person’s name?”

  “Danny.”

  “So now there is Danny. Tell me about him,” Dr. Canton said as he removed his glasses and leaned farther back in his chair.

  “He works with the homeless in downtown Los Angeles. I saw him on a corner about a year ago and asked him if he would speak to a homeless woman living near my church. When I approached him, my intention was only to help that woman.”

  “I don’t doubt that. Please go on.”

  “But when I looked in his eyes, something just clicked in my brain. He was so handsome and his voice was so gentle. There was something so vulnerable about him. I still see that in him to this day.”

  “How else is this different from the man you were involved with in New York?”

  “Like I said, that was just physical. With Danny it’s…”

  “It’s what?” Dr. Canton prompted.

  “It’s more. Yes, it’s physical, of course, but it’s also emotional and even spiritual. Sometimes I feel like we are connected on a deeper level. It’s very difficult to describe.”

  “Are you in love with him?” Dr. Canton asked delicately.

  “Isn’t that rather obvious?”

  “Yes, but I didn’t want to assume.”

  Hezekiah shrugged his shoulders. “I’ve known him for almost a year now, and I’ve decided to leave my wife to be with him.”

  Still no reaction from the doctor.

  “He’s the most beautiful person I have ever met. I’ve never been this happy before in my life. I know this sounds crazy. It sounds ridiculous to me every time I say it, but I’ve pretty much made up my mind. When I’m with him, nothing else in the world matters. He doesn’t judge me. He doesn’t expect anything from me. I can just relax and be myself.”

  “Hezekiah, that implies th
at you are not yourself at other times.”

  “Maybe that’s true. Maybe everything else is just an act. Everyone around me has expectations of how I should behave, what I should wear, say, and think. But he doesn’t. He accepts me for who I am at the moment. And to be honest, I think he’s helped me to discover who I am for myself, for the first time in my life.”

  “He sounds perfect. So why have you come to me?”

  “I really don’t know. I think I wanted someone to hear me say the words, to see the reaction on someone’s face so I could gauge what to expect from the rest of the world. I just needed to say it to someone.”

  “Have you told your wife?”

  “I told her this week about Danny. She said she knew I was seeing someone, but she didn’t know it was a man. I haven’t told her about leaving yet.”

  “Why have you hesitated?”

  “I just decided this week. I plan on telling her after this Sunday.” Hezekiah went on to recount the inner struggles he faced.

  Dr. Canton gave no indication of emotion. He only asked questions that he knew Hezekiah had already asked himself. The doctor was very familiar with the subject. Ministers from around the country had sat in the same chair and shared almost identical stories. Some spoke of female lovers. Others spoke of men. Regardless of the gender of the object of their affection, the pain was the same.

  “Hezekiah,” the doctor said after the details of the saga were exhausted. “I’m not here to judge you. I’m here to help you sort through your feelings. I would imagine they run very deep right now. You seem like an exposed bundle of nerves, sensitive to every word, every move, and every gesture, which is understandable under the circumstances.”

  Hezekiah rested his head on the back of the chair and spoke. “I don’t expect you to understand, Doctor. I just needed you to listen, and you’ve done a good job. I’m very grateful. I’ve searched my heart and prayed more about this than anything in my life. I always end up at the same place.”

  “And where is that?”

  “Back in a place where I’m happy, where I don’t feel guilty, and where I’m not ashamed about who it is I love. It’s a good place, and I don’t want to leave.”